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Mystical Conception: How I conceived after birth trauma, baby loss and infertility - with the help of my Spirit Babies 

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Baby loss, infertility and birth trauma can be such a tender and taboo topic that brings up fear, shame, guilt, blame, and grief. If you are experiencing this, I hope my story will help you begin to offer yourself compassion - and perhaps help you open to seeing how your Spirit Babies can guide you on your journey. 



Birth trauma, baby loss and infertility as an initiation into Motherhood  


My first initiation into Motherhood was a traumatic birth experience - a planned home birth, turned emergency hospital transfer and assisted forceps delivery. After this experience I threw myself into Motherhood and did not process it at all. 


Around 3 and half years later we started trying to conceive our second baby. 

Our first conception had happened surprisingly easily, I wasn’t necessarily expecting it to be that easy the second time, but I wasn’t expecting what unfolded. 

We began trying to conceive at the end of 2018, and around three months in, I woke up from a dream where I was having a ‘Spiritual pregnancy’, I had no idea what this meant, so I turned to ‘Google’. When I did this I suddenly felt the energy of a baby girl with me and I just knew I was pregnant. 


I had discovered ‘Spirit Babies’ a few months earlier, after a friend of mine had sadly experienced a miscarriage and I felt there had to be a deeper meaning for why women experience baby loss, so I went searching, and that's when I came across ‘Spirit Babies’.

If you aren’t familiar with Spirit Babies, they are the Souls of our babies before they come to earth or who have returned to Spirit after a loss.   


I had never felt a Spirit Baby myself up until this point. I didn’t even know I could. But there was no mistaking what I felt that day. It was clear to me there was an energy of a baby girl with me and I was very newly pregnant. 


A few days later, I started bleeding. I was very confused and felt devastated. I wanted this baby girl so much. My heart yearned for another baby. 


The doubt crept in


I thought I was pregnant. I doubted myself, I questioned it over and over again. Had I made this all up? What was happening? Had I not been pregnant in the first place?

I felt angry, at myself and at Spirit. 

It became clearer over the next day or so, I was experiencing a loss, as this bleeding was so much more than I had ever experienced with my monthly period. I spent a few days in bed, in physical and emotional pain. 

I needed a break from trying to conceive after that. So we waited a few more months, and then we began trying again. But month after month, nothing.


I couldn't understand it. We had conceived so easily the first time, so why was this time such a struggle?


I was having regular cycles, I had finished breastfeeding, I sensed there was nothing particularly physically ‘wrong’, so what was happening?


I felt drawn to exploring Spirit Babies even more, listening to podcasts and reading as much as I could find on social media and blogs. I knew there was something deeper, something spiritual or energetic going on. 


About 8 months after my first miscarriage, I conceived again. I had a really difficult few weeks of pregnancy, feeling very nauseous and tired, and struggled with intense anxiety and low mood. 


Then the day before my 12 week scan, I started bleeding again. It got heavier throughout the day and I just knew I was experiencing another loss. I began to worry about how much blood I was losing, as it felt like a lot. So we went to the hospital, even though that was the last thing I wanted to do. 


But on the way, I began seeing signs from Spirit, numbers that felt significant to me, and I just had this feeling of being held. I felt like this was all happening for a reason, I just didn’t know what that was at the time. 


When we arrived at A&E, I was taken straight in, and I was cared for by a nurse who had experienced 5 losses herself, so she was so understanding and compassionate. 

A very different hospital experience to the one I had had when giving birth to our son, 4 years earlier.



A call to create the energy in our Womb to conceive our baby


A few days later, we were sitting at home and our son said something - unprompted - that blew me away. He said “Mummy, we all need the right soil to grow, even babies.”

I was amazed at the wisdom he had shared with me, but also felt deeply upset, wondering ‘what is wrong with my soil?’ ‘why can’t I grow a healthy baby?’ 


But what he shared became so much clearer later, and aligned with what our daughter wanted me to know. 


After my miscarriage, I was so desperate to communicate with our daughter’s Soul to understand why she left. I bought the book ‘Spirit Babies’ by Walter Makichen, and I read it in a couple of days. I was so fascinated by Spirit Babies and I loved reading the stories he shared. I did one of the chanting mediations he guides you into and our daughter came right in straight away, I saw colours and felt her beautiful energy. It was the most amazing spiritual experience I had had at that time. 



A couple of months later, I reached out for support from a Healer and Spirit Baby Medium, who had experienced baby loss herself.


In our first session, I felt our daughter's Soul come in so powerfully my eye lids flickered rapidly, I had never experienced this before. 

Our daughter told us she had been in and out of my womb for a long time, feeling into the energy, but it hadn’t felt right. 


Her Soul has such powerful Divine Feminine energy, and the energy in my womb didn’t align with her, so she couldn’t come in and stay. 


She guided me into healing so she could come in. I made some lifestyle changes and I worked with the healer, to heal a lot of trauma I was holding from my previous birth, and my own birth. 


Opening to a Mystical Conception


A few months later, I magically conceived and our daughter stayed, and we had a healthy pregnancy and a wild raw powerful home birth in October 2020. 


Since then I have been on a deep personal healing journey and I have uncovered my gifts of communicating with Spirit Babies.

I now guide other women who have experienced birth trauma, baby loss and challenges in conceiving, into Healing and into their own Mystical Conception. 


My mission is to share this wisdom and Spirit Babies far and wide - if you have been experiencing similar challenges, I want you to know, the challenges you are facing in conceiving and the heartbreak of loss, do not reflect your ability to bring your baby into this world, they are a sign your Baby in Spirit is lovingly calling you into healing, so you can conceive them and become the Mother your Soul came here to be. 



Olivia Roff is a Mystical Soul Guide for Mothers and Spirit Baby Channel, who lovingly supports women navigating the tender paths of baby loss and conception challenges. 

Olivia offers online support for women globally with Spirit Baby Voice Messages, Spirit Baby Readings and Mystical Conception journeys.


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